God bless you,

Jim and Shirley

As I drove by those men in uniform I again prayed for my son, that he would be brave and honorable and have the courage to do the things that men must do in life.  I prayed that my husband and I would be able to teach him the things he needs to know to establish  the correct boundaries in his heart.  Jim’s book taught us that those boundaries are what keep us in check when we are older.  The Lord really gave me revelation about that and  in my mind’s eye I see  those boundaries as lines  that are drawn over time.  They start out as a short line when our kids are young but every time we reinforce them  the lines get longer until they stretch into their future. catching them like the ropes of a boxing ring that prevent the boxer from being thrown out of bounds.

I’m going to pick him up in a while.  He will tell me all about practice and we will laugh about things that happened.  We will come home and I’ll feed him dinner.  He will eat enough for 2 and we will make jokes about it.  It’s just a normal day really,  but all the while those boundaries are being strengthened.

Kim

When he came out he sat down on the steps next to me and had that “I’m mad at the world  and they are all WRONG,” look.  I asked him a few questions and he answered with, “Mom, I want to win and  Kate just won’t play serious.  She doesn’t hit the ball and then just laughs about  it.”

The Lord showed me what was going on with him.  I told him that the “competitive, I wanna conquer and win” part of him was God-given and it was an awesome thing.  I told him he was a man and God makes men that way so that they can take care of the things in life that they need to.  “Sometimes, I told him, you will use that edge to win a football game, sometimes to protect someone you love and sometimes you will be fighting for something you know is right”.

I used a comparison that had happened earlier in the day.  I told him that it might seem like a weird comparison, but I had been bitten a number of times the night before by some kind of bug.  When your Dad heard about it he didn’t stop with the resort staff until all beds had been changed,the staff had figured out that we had an ant problem and the room was sprayed.  I explained to him that his Dad would not sleep until the problem with his wife had been solved.  He got it….his Dad was protecting the family.

I went on to tell him that while this competitiveness was an awesome, God-given thing, he needed to use wisdom in engaging it.  I explained that although he was playing to win, Kate was just having a fun evening with her Daddy.  She can be competitive, but not in that setting.  On the other hand, when he and his Dad are on the court, he can go for blood.

Later that evening went on to the pool and had a lot of fun, but something was different.  I noticed him playing with his sisters but taking it easy when he needed to and then playing rough with Dad…both very appropriate and peaceful.

I’m telling you this rather involved story because through your teachings I never just think about correcting my kid’s behavior.  I’m always looking and praying for the Spirit’s leadership to get to their hearts.  I will be forever thankful that you and Shirley came into our lives when you did.  I know that my young man is just that, a man.  Not a child who needs correcting but rather a young adult learning how to harness his God-given gifts.

Thanks Jim and Shirley,

Kim

As with any Christian film there are doctrinal issues you may take issue with but the message was clear.  (Men, it’s time to understand and accept your God given responsibility to guide, protect and serve your family) For the most part, it was depicted in a way that will inspire and encourage men to be better husbands and fathers.  It was a road of discovery for the characters in the film and I think will be the same for the millions of men who watch.

I am not usually one who tears up in a movie but you have to be pretty heartless not to be affected by this one.  Several times during the movie I looked around at the others in the audience to see if anyone else was feeling what I felt.  Most of the men and all of the women were in tears at one point or another.  So if you plan to attend when it’s released in September, be sure and take a few Kleenex, you’ll need them.

I was reminded once again that the strength of family is rooted in the strength of a fathers commitment to the Lord.  There are many who may not want to accept that, but anyone who will read the bible with an open mind can come to no other conclusion.  So I encourage you fathers, lead your family and serve them with all your heart.

If you’re a single mom, please don’t let these comments discourage you.  God’s word is just as true for a single parent as it is for a two parent family.  It is certainly more difficult, but if you will place your faith in Him, he will make a way when there seems to be no way.

God bless you,

Jim

My response went something like this.  If the goal is punishment that brings about a change in future behaviors then you may have temporarily succeeded.  But if the goal is correction that will changed the heart, then you may need to continue.  Prov. 4:23 says, “Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it spring the issues of life.” The word, issues, also means boundaries and borders. This scripture makes it clear that the parameters of behavior, (boundaries and borders) are established in the heart.

You must learn what it takes to reach the heart of your child.  If you find that means continued spankings, then continue.  If it’s just sitting with them and talking after a spanking, then do that.  There’s not an formula for this because every child is different.  However, a spanking is usually a good place to start.  The goal is to leave them with only one option, a change of heart.

In doing this you are helping your children develop the habit of recognizing bad behavior, repenting from that behavior, and then seeking reconciliation.  And in those moments of reconciliation they are learning that your love for them is not based on their good behavior, it’s unconditional.

It takes determination and courage to stay with it, but I encourage you, as often as possible, end disciplinary encounters with love and reconciliation.  It will keep the heart of your child soft, pliable, and open to your words of direction and correction.  As they learn to listen to you now, they are also learning to respond to the word of the Lord later.

God bless,

Jim Ertel

After 14 years of marriage I definitely WOW my husband (although shock-and-awe would be more appropriate verbiage).  If piles of clean laundry make for a clean house, I’m there.  I have killed my fair share of home gardens resulting in a great friendship with the produce section at my grocery store and I gave away my bread machine a month after I convinced myself it was the most important purchase of my life.  As for the “perfect ladies,” well, we have 3 boys who are perfect candidates for a one hour special on the Wild Kingdom.  No bows, no dresses and no tea parties…unless we were serving lizards on paper plates with cans of root beer.

At first it made me mad.  I was headed out to scold them when the Lord brought a scripture to mind that made me laugh instead.  I Cor. 15:56 says in part, “the strength of sin is the law.”  If I had said nothing, the idea of building a fort in the window well would probably never have occurred to them.  It was such a powerful reminder to me of why we need to live under grace and not under the law.

There’s not a single one of us who can keep the laws of God.  Romans 3:19 says the law was given, “that every mouth may be stopped and all the world may become guilty before God.”  If we can’t keep God’s law, then how can we expect our children to keep our laws or rules?  That’s an important question that every parent needs to answer.  And it’s a question I have attempted to answer in chapter three of my book, “Contending for the Heart.”  If you understand this, it will really help you transition your children from law to grace.

By he way, the fort was quickly dismantled and they were encouraged by grandpa to look for adventure elsewhere.

Jim Ertel

“Well Michael,” grandpa replied, “I know you would like to have the first pancake but do you think asking for the first one is what Jesus would do?”  “I guess not.”  “What do you think He would do?”  Michael thought for moment before he answered.  “Well, I guess He would give the first pancake to my little sister.”  “You’re right Michael,” grandpa exclaimed.   Michael sat quietly for a moment and then smiled, looked at his older brother and said, “Trent, you be Jesus today.”

Teaching our children to put other people first is always a challenge.  Why? Because it goes against their human nature.  Until our children are born again, they really can’t understand spiritual principles.  I Corinthians 2:14 says this, “But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.”

If you succeed at nothing else, make sure you lead your children to Jesus.  All that you could ever teach them about self-control,  self-disciple, or selflessness pales in comparison to what the Holy Spirit does in their heart when they are born again.

We love you,

Jim and Shirley

I think my son has wondered about that more than a few times with his three boys.  Each one is convinced that he is the alpha-male, and all three make bold attempts to confirm their position on a regular basis.  Recently, one attempt at dominance included a few bruises and a little blood.  But what’s that among brothers?  They were laughing about it ten minutes later.

Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before you were in your mothers womb I knew you…and I ordained you a Prophet to the nation.”  Imagine that!  God knew our children before they were created and He has a destiny for their life.  Do you think a God who plans that far ahead would then randomly select a parent?  I don’t think so!   The children you helped create were given specifically to you because God knew that you have exactly what those children need.  God has faith in you.  You are the perfect parent for each of your children.

Believe it, and give yourself wholeheartedly to parenting.  No one can do a better job with your children than you.  Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…”  That is especially necessary when it comes to your kids.

And yes, they really are yours!

Jim Ertel

In I Samuel we read the story of King Saul.  God promised Saul that his kingdom would last from generation to generation.  He and his family were destined to rule in perpetuity, or without end.  But that is not what happened.  Why?  The answer can be found in I Samuel 15:22-23.  Is says in part, “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,…For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.  Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, he also has rejected you from being king.”

The destiny God had clearly planned for Saul would not be fulfilled.  That is extremely profound and we need to learn from this example for the sake of our children.  If we love them, we can not allow rebellion and stubbornness to take root in their heart.  Their God ordained destiny is at stake.   We must confront them in our children every time they show their ugly head.

You can read more about this in chapter two of my book, “Contending for the Heart.”  To order, click on BUY NOW at the top of the blog page.

You’re blessed,

Jim Ertel