Reflections in the Mirror

As April looked intently into the foggy mirror above the bathroom sink; she could not imagine how God could possibly love the woman whose image she saw in the reflection. The replay button of her mind seemed stuck in the on position; constantly reminding her of failures as a wife, a mother and a woman. Even the praise of others did little to help; all she could see was a worthless human being, with little hope of change. “If only I could begin again, things would be different” she thought.

If a do-over were possible, would things really change for April? To answer that question you must first understand the image that had been painted on the canvas of her heart. April grew up in a family and a home that most would envy. To accuse her mother and father of being poor parents would be a gross injustice. They were wonderful people who always had the best interest of April in mind.

Her home had been a peaceful place but just below that peace was a subtle underlying current of expectation that neither she or her siblings could fulfill. Behavior and performance were everything. Look right, talk right, and act right; be the best you can be. That could have been the family mantra, but it was never spoken in those terms. It came more in the form of condemnation, criticism and complaint. Not every day, not all the time, but often enough and usually at the very moment she most needed to hear words of comfort and blessing.

In Proverbs 18:21 we read, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” And in James 3:10, “Out of the same moth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things out not to be so.”

The words of a parent are powerful and with those words we either bless or curse. “I would never curse my children”, you say, but all of us have done it more often than we would like to admit. For example, to a child who steels, we might say, “you little thief you;”or to a child who tells a lie, “you’re a little liar;”or to the one who continue to make the same mistake, “can’t you get anything right.” It is so important to separate identify from behavior. Our identity is in Christ, our behavior is of the flesh.

There are no idle words, and the ones that parents speak to their children have power. Words of condemnation create strongholds of self-judgment and guilt. Words of criticism destroy initiative and creativity forming strongholds of failure. Complaining teaches children to magnify the problem and look for someone else to blame, avoiding personal responsibility. And who among us parents has never condemned, criticized or complained to their children. But in April’s case it was much more the norm than the exception and it built within her a deep sense of inadequacy that she would carry into her marriage.

As parents, we need to speak the blessings of God over our children which reflect the divine favor of God in their lives. With every word we are painting an image on the canvas of their heart that will remain with them for years to come as they did with April. It is an image of who God is and who they are in relationship to him. It is an image of worth, value, and destiny.

Here’s the good news, for April and all the rest of us. Hebrews 4:12, “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” And in Matthew 13 we read that the word of God is like a seed that is sown in the hearts of men and women and will in time produce fruit.

Later in April’s life, she began to seek answers in the Word where she found a seed that could be planted in her heart. It was a seed of God’s unconditional love and grace. That seed began to take root and grow, eventually producing fruit in her life. It was as though the fog on the mirror had cleared and she no longer saw herself according to the flesh but according to the spirit. Paul said in 2 Corinthians 5:16, “Therefore, from now on, we regard no one according to the flesh…”

Looking past the flesh, April began to see a new reflection of herself in the mirror of God’s Word and a new image began to form in her heart. Self-judgment and condemnation slowing faded as the knowledge of God’s unconditional love became clear. Not only did this revelation change her but the resulting change in her attitude and countenance affected her husband and children as well.

Would an opportunity at a do-over really have changed anything? Not at all, only a change of heart could have changed the inevitable outcome of a self-image based on the flesh. And only the Word, the divine favor of God in our lives, has the power to change the heart.

Perhaps as a parent, you may be thinking of the times you have spoken something less than a blessing over your children and wish you could take back those words. If you are, remember what Paul said in Philippians 3:13 “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,” Don’t waste a minute judging or condemning yourself for past mistakes and failures. There are no perfect parents and we all make mistakes along the way. Just continue on and remember that Love never fails.

God bless you
Jim Ertel

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The Best Christmas Ever

The Best Christmas Ever

“Great Grandma,” he said as he reached to wrap his arms around her neck for a big hug.   “You know what?”  “What Justin?”  “This has been the best Christmas ever.”  She leaned forward in her arm chair and with the biggest grandma squeeze she could muster, said. “Well, I think so too honey, what did you like best?”  “Opening presents and pumpkin pie,” he exclaimed, “I sure wish everyday could be Christmas Grandma.”

Soon, everyone had said their good-bys and Great Grandma retired to her favorite chair, covered herself with a cozy afghan and began rocking quietly.  Tears slowly trickled down the deep creases of her weathered cheeks; memories of a wonderful day flooding her soul.   It had truly been the best Christmas ever for her too, but for a much different reason.

She thought back to the many Christmas holidays that had come and gone with little more than a signed Christmas card from her estranged daughter.  Those holidays had not been followed by tears of joy but of sorrow and heartache.  She raised her hands to heaven, looked up and said, “thank you Jesus that those days are behind and that you have brought restoration healing, I love you Jesus.”

What had caused the resentment and anger that Sara, her daughter, had felt towards her for so many years?   Maybe it began decades earlier with the many unresolved arguments they had during her teenage years.  Perhaps it was the insecurity she felt when her mother and father argued.

Little by little, the rift between them grew until Sara announced her surprising engagement and immediate wedding plans.   Sara and her boyfriend, whom her parents hardly knew, had decided to marry before anyone could see that she was pregnant.  With that announcement, the growing rift became a canyon.

Mary Ann held nothing back in making her feelings known to Sara.  It went something like this.  “I would never have believed you would disappoint us like this.  You’ve been raised as a Christian and now you’re going to embarrass your dad, me and the whole family, what’s wrong with you?”  It was exactly the response that Sara was expecting.

Or perhaps it was the divorce that followed a few years later.  Sara’s father, whom she loved and admired, divorced her mother after twenty five years of marriage.  It was a devastating blow to Sara which was made even worse when he remarried two weeks later.  Her faith in the institution of marriage had been shattered and within a year she had made the decision to end her own shaky marriage.

When the two talked, all Sara heard was repeated accounts of how badly her mother had been treated by her father.  True or not, Sara still loved her Dad and tired of the endless barrage of negative comments.  And then there was what Sara perceived as constant preaching, being told how to live her life.  It wasn’t long until the phone calls became few and far between with most ending in familiar unresolved arguments.

Holidays were hit and miss, and for Sara they had become obligations that she endured for the sake of her children.  It was only the love for the grandchildren that kept the door of communication between the two of them even slightly ajar.  Yet, on this Christmas day, mother and daughter sat side by side at the dinner table, lovingly holding hands.  Tears filling Sara’s eyes as her mother, in a quivering voice, gave thanks for her family and the meal they would soon enjoy.

Two grandchildren and four great grandchildren later, resentment, anger and bitterness had been replaced with love and acceptance.  It wasn’t a magical moment, as often portrayed in seasonal feel good movies, that brought about an instant reconciliation between mother and daughter.  It was the grace of God, provided through Jesus Christ, written about in His Word and at work through the Holy Spirit that transformed hearts of stone into hearts of clay.

Over time, as Mary Ann searched the scriptures for what she thought would be the keys to changing Sara, she discovered that the Word was changing her instead.  She realized for the first time that Jesus loved her, unconditionally, and that she had been completely forgiven for her mistakes as a mother and wife.  Her hardened religious heart was gradually transformed into a heart of clay.  So much so that she felt she could even forgive the one who had disappointed her most.  She forgave herself.

Somewhere in the midst of the transformation she lost all desire to preach to Sara.  From the abundance of her heart she began to speak words of blessing and encouragement at every opportunity.  For years there seemed to be little change in Sara’s response but the Lord kept reminding Mary Ann of Galatians 6:9, “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”

For Sara the road to reconciliation was much different.  Although saved as a young girl she had not been living for the Lord.   The fruit of her life style had produced nothing but problems, hardships, and regret.  In desperation she turned to the One she hand known as a young girl only to find that He had been there all along, waiting patiently for her return.

As the Holy Spirit worked, removing the calluses of hurt that had formed around her heart, the love for her mother slowly returned.  She began to long for the relationship that had been lost and to her mother’s surprise, started responding to her overtures with love and thankfulness.

Neither Mary Ann nor her daughter could have bridge the canyon of resentment and unforgivness between them.  It was as they allowed the Holy Spirit to change their own hearts that the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22) was manifested and a bridge of love was rebuilt. A relationship that had been severed little by little was also restored little by little.  And on this special Christmas day it had become evident for all to see.  This was the best Christmas ever for Great Grandma.

Mary Christmas and  we love you,

Jim and Shirley

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Is Consequence a Good Teacher?

Have you ever heard a parent say, “Well, I guess he will just have to learn his lesson the hard way.”  I have, and it always makes me cringe because the hard way can be far more than you bargained for.

Should children learn that the gas flames on the stove are hot by the parents allowing them to
place a hand in the fire? The answer is an obvious “no.” To avoid learning  the heard way, while children are young, parents can apply a carefully controlled short term consequence like a spanking. It piques the child’s attention and allows the parent to teach the lesson without any harm. In the process children also learn to respond to their parent’s words of protection.

Your words and the Word of God set boundaries of behavior that serve to protect your children.  It’s important that children learn to respond to those words when they are young because as they get older you can no longer control the consequences.  For example, a one-time experimentation with methamphetamines could literally destroy a young person’s mind or end their life. No good lessons are learned from tragedies like that; it only leaves regret and sorrow for everyone.

2 Corinthians 7:8-10 says, “For even if I made you sorry with my letter, I do not regret it; though I did regret it. For I perceive that the same epistle made you sorry, though only for a while. Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.”

I encourage you to speak the truth to your children and then do whatever you can to stand between your child and behaviors that could bring about a devastating consequence. When our children were teenagers, if one of them said they would be attending a party at a friend’s house chaperoned by the parents, I took the time to drive across town and make an unexpected visit to see for myself. I didn’t do it every time, but they knew the possibility always existed.

My son once asked, “Dad, don’t you trust me?” I answered him this way: “It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just don’t trust the flesh.  Any one of us can have a weak moment and then do something we would regret the rest of our life. I just want to give you one more reason to do the right thing.” Checking on them was not an act of distrust but one of love and they knew it. It was all preparation for the time there would no longer be any parental control.

Remember, they need you to be the parent.  Dad’s you can’t always be the best buddy to your son and moms you can’t always be a girl friend to your daughter.  But if you’ll be the parent now, then later in life, you will have the opportunity to be their friend and confidant.

This blog is an excerpt from the book,”Contending for the Heart” the hidden key to your child’s behavior.

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The Heart is a Canvas

Raising children is neither a science or a mathematical equation to be solved, it’s an art.   When your children are born, think of their hearts like a canvas, awaiting the brush strokes of an artist.  And God made no mistake when he chose you to be the artist of your child’s heart.

In one hand you hold the brush of unconditional love and responsibility.  In the other, a pallet of colors with names like words, actions, and deeds.  With these you are painting an image on the canvas of your child’s heart.  It’s an image of who God is and who your children are in relationship to Him.  And that image will, to a great degree, determine weather or not they ever fulfill their God given destiny.

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.” The word issues also means, boundaries and boarders.  You can see then that behaviors and habits are determined by the boundaries set in the heart.  It is not the external pressures or laws that constrain us or our children but what has been established in our heart.

The bible says it is the goodness of God that draws us and the love of God that constrains us.  That is why the image that we paint on the canvas or our children’s heart is so important.  Will our children see God as a harsh task master, judging every failure.  Will the see Him as a God of tolerance, or will they see Him as a living Father who wants to guide, guard, and govern for our benefit.?  It’s up to you, you’re the artist.

But don’t feel inadequate or overwhelmed.  You are not in this alone.   The master painter, the Holy Spirit, lives inside you if you have been born again.  So it’s not necessary to have the talent and experience of a Picasso or Rembrandt, or a modern day Thomas Kinkade.  He will paint the image through you if you will depend upon Him.

God bless you,

Jim Ertel

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Watch TBN interview with Jim

 

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Don’t Wait Any Longer


The male nurse lifted him from the reclined chair and laid him in the hospital bed with little effort.  This once proud man often boasted of his six foot, 180 pound physic which had been reduced to 102 pounds of skin and bones.  The colostomy bag and catheter had succeeded in eliminating any small amount of pride that may have remained.

An intravenous feeding tube was the only things standing between him and eternity.  It prevented the complete dehydration or starvation of his 89 year old body that had recently undergone major intestinal surgery.

Richard struggled to grip the sheet tightly enough to pull it over his chilled arms.  Every movement was excruciating.  Yet, his mind was clear and unclouded from the drugs.  “My life on this earth is almost over,” he thought. “There are so many things I wish I could change, especially with Ron.”  His wife assumed the small tears building in the corners of his eyes and then slowly finding their way down the side of his face to the pillow were tears of pain.  They were, but it wasn’t physical, the regrets of life were flooding his soul as he lay helpless in room 3316.

“He’s here,” he said weakly as his son walked in the room.  The sight of Ron brought a smile to his face replacing the grimace of pain that had been there only moments before.   He gathered all his strength to speak these few words.  “Hi son, I’m so glad you’re here.”  Ron walked to the side of his bed, leaned over and gave him a gentle hug.  “I’m glad to be here too dad,” he whispered, and then after a short pause, “I love you.”  “I love you too son,” he said as he struggled to kiss Ron’s cheek.

Ron had been on the road for twelve hours and came straight to the hospital when he arrived in town.  He felt in his heart that his dad might die soon and knew how important it was to make sure things were right between the two of them.  They had not been close since his father divorced his mother forty years earlier.  But it wasn’t the divorce that bothered him the most; it was his father’s complete disinterest in his grand children.

There was the time Ron called to see if his dad would attend the last football game of the season in which his grandson was the starting running back.  “I’ve made other commitments, maybe another time,” he answered.   And of course, another time never came.  Holidays and special events seemed to mean nothing to his father, and as the years went by the grandchildren lost all interest in their grandfather.  For Ron, the resentment grew.

II Corinthians  2Co 5:18-19 says, “ Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.”

Reconciliation began for Ron and his dad when Ron finally allowed the message of this scripture to take root in his heart.  He began to understand that if God was not imputing our trespasses to us, than who was he to impute them to his father.  And besides, he had never treated his dad’s new wife very well and in so doing had given his dad reason to resent his behavior as well.

But recently, both Ron and his dad had begun to reach out to each other.  Perhaps they both sensed the end was nearing.  The phone calls, although short and sweet, were increasing in frequency and love was beginning to find its way back into the relationship.

The Holy Spirit was gently and patiently revealing the truth to Ron.  He was finally beginning to understand that his dad was so full of guilt and condemnation he could not face the family.  Richard did not want to be reminded of the price he had paid to fulfill his own selfish interest when he divorced Ron’s mom.  And the grandkids were like a mirror that forced him to see the truth.

What was left of any resentment and anger that Ron had once felt for his father melted away at his dad’s bedside that afternoon.  It was replaced with a love and compassion that came from the Lord.  Ron began reminiscing aloud about his childhood and the good times they had fishing and hunting together.  He ended by saying, “ya know what dad, when I was a little boy, you were really a good dad, thanks.”

Richard was now unashamedly crying.  Nothing meant more to him than hearing those words of love and confirmation coming from his son.  His fear was not that he would be leaving this earth with unfulfilled dreams and ambitions, but that he would leave not knowing for sure if his son loved or hated him.  That day the Lord answered his prayer and true reconciliation was taking place in both their hearts.

Richard is still alive at the writing of this article and he and Ron are growing closer every day.  But I encourage you not to wait until the end of life to make things right in your family.  Become an ambassador of Jesus Christ and be the one who opens the door to reconciliation.  It doesn’t come by telling them it is time for us to reconcile.  It comes by humbling yourself before God and letting Him change your heart.  When that happens, the love of God will be evident to all and the door of true reconciliation will open.

Jim Ertel

Heart of the Family

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Help Wanted, Fathers with Heart

Help Wanted

Fathers with Heart

No experience necessary – must be willing to learn – always on call – only those willing to give their life need apply – not for the faint of heart

Most jobs require some experience or at least an apprenticeship under the watchful eye of a journeyman.  However, when it comes to being a father, every man begins as a novice.  Even those with a good role model find the actual experience far more challenging than they imagined.  But God must not be worried about inexperience; He has obviously placed His confidence in the beginner.

It certainly doesn’t take long for any new father to realize he has a lot to learn.  Children have a way of bringing every doubt and insecurity to the surface.  That is especially true when he understands that God has given fathers the power to shape the future of their children and direct them on the path to their eternal destiny.

Recently, I read a study conducted by the Promise Keepers a few years ago which was quite revealing.  It said that when the father in a home leads the family in spiritual matters, the children will follow his leadership and continue in the faith over 90% of the time.  In homes where the mother is left to assume the leadership role, less than 15% of the children followed her and continued in the faith.

As you read the stories of families in the Old Testament and the writings of the Apostles in the New, it becomes obvious that God has charged fathers with leadership responsibility.  He expects them to bless, guard, guide, and govern the family; not as dictators, but as servants, committed to the well being of the entire family.  Unfortunately, in our society today, many fathers are not accepting this responsibility.

Mothers, left with no option, are stepping in when the fathers drop the ball.  This is not to say that a mom can’t bless and guide their children, or that the role of the mother is somehow inferior to that of the father.  It is not, it’s just different.  For example, most moms naturally demonstrate the most important attribute of God; the unconditional love and acceptance of their children no matter what.

There are many great people who were raised in the home of a tireless single mom or one in which the father took little interest in the children’s spiritual development.   The success of their lives is a testimony to the fact that God’s Word and His power can overcome any situation.  However, His original design for the family, one in which the father leads through serving his wife and children, always works best.

I have heard many men say, “I haven’t much time to spend with my children so I make sure it’s quality time.”  Sounds good in theory, but seldom works in practice.   Moments come when the heart of your child is open and waiting to be touched.  You can’t pre-plan these special times; you just have to spend enough time with your children to allow them to occur and recognize them when they do.  These quality times are rare and they rarely occur without a huge investment of time. There aren’t any shortcuts to the heart of a child.

To give ones life, in this case, is not referring to physical death.  Most fathers would give their physical life for that of their child without a second thought.  It’s giving your life on a daily basis; not allowing ambitions, cares, unhealthy desires, or the pursuit of lifestyle to determine your priorities, that’s hard. In the end, children will always know who you loved most.  Make sure the who, isn’t you!

The kind of father wanted here is a father with a Shepherd’s heart.  He’s a man who enters confidently through the front door.  The children run to the sound of his voice long before they can see his face.  They know it so well and trust his words so completely that they never listen to any other.  They would follow him anywhere because they know he loves them and will never lead them astray.

This father never places the responsibility for the future of his children in the hands of another. He knows that others will not stand and protect them from the One who causes fear and brings confusion; the One who seeks to steal, kill, and destroy.  No one is able to steal the heart of these children from his hand because he gives his life for them.  This is a father with a Shepherd’s heart.  (Fathers, read John 10)

The job of a father is not for the faint of heart.  A confession of love and good intentions are not enough in the midst of a thousand compelling voices determined to influence or steal away the heart of your children.  It requires courage, selflessness, and complete dependence upon the Holy Spirit.  However, the rewards awaiting the father who makes this commitment exceed any this world can offer.

God bless you,

Jim and Shirley Ertel

P.S. I believe it was Billy Graham who once said, (this is a paraphrase from memory, not an exact quote.)  “I have been beside the death bed of many great and successful men.  They seldom talked of their success, only the regret of time lost with their family.”

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It Was Easier For Your Parents, right?

IT was EASIER for your Parents, right?

If you were to ask a young parent, do you think raising your children is more difficult today than it was for your parents, most would answer yes.  They would immediately point to the conditions of our society and the many temptations facing their children.  But, would they be right?

It’s true that there has never before been a generation with such access to information, good and bad.  It’s true that the media has tremendous power to influence the minds of those who are watching and listening.  And it’s true that alcohol, drugs, and sexually explicit materials are all readily available.

It could even be said that our society no longer has any real moral compass.  What was once considered immoral is now openly promoted by those of influence.  They are calling evil good and good evil just as is written in Isaiah 5:20-23.

There was a time when parents could count on those in authority to help mold the character of their children.  Expectation of moral behaviors was reinforced by ministers, teachers, coaches and others.  But we all understand that today the conduct and beliefs of these authority figures can no longer be taken for granted.

From these comments you might think that I believe raising children is more difficult now.  If you do, you would be both right and wrong.  The fact that parents can expect more opposition than support from our society certainly makes our job more difficult.  However, God has never given the church, the school, or the government the responsibility and authority to raise children; He gave that to the parents.

We live in a society where people want to maintain their authority but transfer responsibility and accountability to others.  Unfortunately many parents have become willing participants in this trend.  They are abdicating their responsibilities in the pursuit of finance and lifestyle and then blaming others for the outcome in the lives of their children.

You could even say it this way.  Children are often sacrificed on alters of the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things. (Mark 4:19)  None of which have any eternal value but all of which have become driving forces in the hearts of many.

The truth is, things have not really changed all that much in the world.  Solomon wrote this in Ecclesiastes 1:9 That which has been is what will be, That which is done is what will be done, And there is nothing new under the sun. (NKJV)  Human nature has not changed and temptations in life still come from the same source.  The devils still uses the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life to deceive our children. (1John 2:16)

If moms and dads believe that outside influences and temptations are the strongest influences on the behavior of their children than for them raising children is and will continue to be increasingly more difficult.  If they understand that what their children believe in their heart is the real key to behavior and that they are responsible for what they believe, then the times and conditions make very little difference.

The Bible makes it very clear that behavior is nothing more than a visible extension or manifestation of what the heart believes.  And, if you listen to your children carefully, their own words will expose their heart.

Proverbs 4:23, “Keep the heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

Luke 6:45 “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.”

Proverbs says that the very issues of life flow from the heart.  The word “Issues” here also means boundary or borders.  We are told to diligently guard the heart, or in other words, control what it believes.  The heart is like a treasure chest of beliefs.  And parents are continually adding to this treasure through words and deeds.  What is believed in the heart will determine the boundaries and borders of a child’s behavior.

The questions that parents should ask themselves on a regular basis is this;  have I allowed myself to become so caught up in the pursuit of good things that I am sacrificing the essential things.  For example, helping your children take advantage of every opportunity has become a full time job in itself.  If you have two or three children and each is involved in two or three activities, your role is often reduced to transportation/activity director.  That could be considered a good thing but it often leaves you with little energy or time to impact their heart, the essential thing.

Opportunities that you provide and things that you give your children can not for one minute make up for your personal time and attention.  Children need you.  Recent findings of a new Associated-Press/MTV poll of young people ages 13-24 reveal some very surprising results.

So, is it more difficult today?  The answer depends on your perspective.  If you believe that God has given you the sole responsibility, authority, and power to raise your children and you are willing to contend for their heart, then circumstances make little difference.  If you believe that outside influences have more power to affect the heart of your children, than you have opened the door to the justification of wrong behavior.

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What Do Children Really Need?

What Do Children Really Need?

Exhausted, Michael lay in bed with his eyes wide open unable to sleep.  The plans for tomorrow and worries about the future were racing through his mind as they so often did late at night.  Sharon was sound asleep; she too was exhausted and hadn’t moved a muscle in the last hour.  Both had been pushing themselves hard for several years and were really beginning to feel the long-term effects.

Michael was an ambitious man and determined to make life for their family better than the one he had known.  They had purchased a nice home, established a pretty good life style, and their three teenagers were attending private school.  But now, in his middle forties, he was beginning to wonder if he had really counted the cost.

He was working long hours which often included weekends.  The pressure of making their house into a home, keeping up with three children, and working part time was taking a toll on Sharon as well.  It was obvious that their relationship was beginning to suffer.  And the kids, once models of obedience were exhibiting behavior that had him worried.

It feels like the dam is about to burst, he thought, how much longer are we going to be able to hold back this ever increasing pressure.  From the outside it appeared they had built a life to be envied.  But from the inside, he knew that real problems were creating cracks in the dam that could eventually end in a catastrophic failure.

A question that parents like Michael and Sharon should ask themselves on a regular basis is this; have we allowed ourselves to become so caught up in the pursuit of good things that we are sacrificing the essential things.

For example, helping your children take advantage of every opportunity can easily become a full time job in itself.  If you have two or three children and each is involved in two or three activities, your role is often reduced to transportation/activity director.  Their God given talents and skills may be developing beautifully, but what about their character.

Or perhaps you and your spouse both work long hours like Michael and Sharon. You want to provide a better home in a great neighborhood with good schools.  That could certainly be considered a good thing.  However, it often leaves you and your children with little energy or time for the essential thing, impacting their heart.

Opportunities that you provide and things that you give your children can not for one minute make up for your personal time and attention. Recent findings of a new poll of young people ages 13-24 reveals some very surprising results.  The poll, conducted by

Associated Press/MTV, might seem an unlikely source for information until you realize they have the resources and the financial motivation to know the truth about their target market.

The young people interviewed in this poll were asked a series of questions stemming from one simple question; what makes you happy?  It’s important to note that this poll was not directed at Christians but taken from a cross section of the population.

So, what did they find you ask?  In a nut shell, they found that family really matters. Young people were found to be the most happy when they spent time with their family and loved ones.  Parents were seen overwhelmingly as a positive influence in their lives.  Nearly half said that one of their parents was their hero.

Money and the things money can buy were almost never mentioned as a source of happiness.  Those for whom religion and spirituality play a bigger role tended to be happier.  Those who engaged in premarital sex were less happy than those who did not.  Those using drugs and alcohol were also less happy than those who did not.  Interestingly enough, over ninety percent still believe in marriage.  They believe that being married to one person for life and raising stable children of their own will make them happy.

Admittedly, these were questions about perception and feelings.  Nonetheless, they are a great indicator of the needs of our children.  As Jim Daly, President and CEO of Focus on the Family wrote, “These findings quantify what we have long known in our hearts and seen in our experience; a nurturing family environment is the most important thing we can offer our kids.”

A nurturing family environment is not measured in our ability to provide opportunity and things for our children.  It is measured by our interactions with them; the kind of interaction that will touch their heart. God sees us as their teacher; the voice of His word, the example of His character and nature, the ones who lead them to Him.

Deut. 6:6-7 “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”

This is the essential thing that Michael and Sharon were sacrificing to obtain the good.  In the end, only those things that have impacted the heart will remain.  Your children will live their lives based on what they believe in their heart, not the talents they have developed or the opportunities they have been given.  Your children need you!

By jimertel | Comments (0)