During a recent vacation I had a great moment with our son I want to share. I went to work out while my husband took all three kids to the racquetball court. When I finished, I joined them at the court and sat down to watch. I noticed our 14 year old son getting really frustrated with his 12 year old sister. In a while, he was so angry he didn’t want to play anymore and just sort of shut down. I’d been sitting there listening and asked the Lord to give me wisdom in the situation.
When he came out he sat down on the steps next to me and had that “I’m mad at the world and they are all WRONG,” look. I asked him a few questions and he answered with, “Mom, I want to win and Kate just won’t play serious. She doesn’t hit the ball and then just laughs about it.”
The Lord showed me what was going on with him. I told him that the “competitive, I wanna conquer and win” part of him was God-given and it was an awesome thing. I told him he was a man and God makes men that way so that they can take care of the things in life that they need to. “Sometimes, I told him, you will use that edge to win a football game, sometimes to protect someone you love and sometimes you will be fighting for something you know is right”.
I used a comparison that had happened earlier in the day. I told him that it might seem like a weird comparison, but I had been bitten a number of times the night before by some kind of bug. When your Dad heard about it he didn’t stop with the resort staff until all beds had been changed,the staff had figured out that we had an ant problem and the room was sprayed. I explained to him that his Dad would not sleep until the problem with his wife had been solved. He got it….his Dad was protecting the family.
I went on to tell him that while this competitiveness was an awesome, God-given thing, he needed to use wisdom in engaging it. I explained that although he was playing to win, Kate was just having a fun evening with her Daddy. She can be competitive, but not in that setting. On the other hand, when he and his Dad are on the court, he can go for blood.
Later that evening went on to the pool and had a lot of fun, but something was different. I noticed him playing with his sisters but taking it easy when he needed to and then playing rough with Dad…both very appropriate and peaceful.
I’m telling you this rather involved story because through your teachings I never just think about correcting my kid’s behavior. I’m always looking and praying for the Spirit’s leadership to get to their hearts. I will be forever thankful that you and Shirley came into our lives when you did. I know that my young man is just that, a man. Not a child who needs correcting but rather a young adult learning how to harness his God-given gifts.
Thanks Jim and Shirley,
Kim